The Truth
by ezmegaz
Summary: At the end two people share their last regrets. Oneshot.


'There could not have been a more inconvenient way for the world to end.' Gendou Ikari thought as he laid on the cold metal floor of Terminal Dogma. He could hear the sloshing lake of LCL, disturbed by the suddenly awakened Lilith. The giant has merged with Rei and left its former confines.

Of course, he was not happy. Sure, he was hit by a stray bullet, fired by one of the soldiers sent to regain control over NERV on behalf of the pseudo-Abrahamic death cult know as SEELE, but since he made it to Terminal Dogma with his ward, still alive if gravely wounded, it did not matter. In a matter of minutes, he would have been forever reunited with his beloved wife, completing his mission for the last decade and a half.

No, his unhappiness was stemming from his missing hand. Or rather, the reason the hand was missing. Rei Ayanami, in a completely uncharacteristic move, betrayed him in the last minute. And so, thanks to teenager rebelliousness his plans fell to ashes a hairbreadth away from the completion.

"Honestly, I'm happy about this outcome." Dr. Akagi said, but despite the words, her voice was calm and held no contempt for the man. She cradled the mans head in her lap, gently caressing it. She was unhurt, but willing to stay with the man, wanting to spend their last minutes with her former lover. It didn't matter to her that in the minutes following his death she would also surely die. Right now, they were the only ones present. Right now, only they existed.

"Maybe then you should have reconsidered the offer I made years ago." He said, his voice still as if nothing happened. Of course, Ritsuko knew the subtle differences the mans voice could hold. He was close to falling into despair, but Gendou Ikari was made from sterner stuff. Even after he saw how his dreams were destroyed in an instant, he kept his composure. Even at deaths door the man had his pride.

"I didn't have much choice then, did I?" She asked. 'Die or join, it is your decision, Miss Akagi,' she recalled the offer. She joined, but just as much out of wanting to get out of her mothers shadow as for fear of her life. That didn't turn out right of course, she couldn't publish anything and she remained completely unknown unlike the great Naoko Akagi.

Maybe this was the reason she had taken to Maya Ibuki so much. Of course she knew that the girl had more than just an intellectual interest in her, but she wasn't bothered. Her desire to pass her own knowledge and the girls boundless enthusiasm for technology were a potent combination. In a way she considered the mousy tech her 'greatest work.' Maybe Maya could accomplish what she couldn't.

"No." Came the reply and Ritsuko was surprised at the honesty of such a simple statement. "I knew you would join even without a threat. You were predictable in that way."

"Really, now?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. "Then I guess you predicted this."

"No." This statement was just as honest as the previous one. If anyone could have heard the commander, they might have been inclined to think the man that planned each aspect of several people's life, including his own has been swapped for a doppelganger. "This was a singular event, result of the chaotic systems known as human beings. Even I understood that I could not predict everything that would happen. I did not expect it, but nonetheless it happened."

They sat there, none of them feeling the need to break the silence. They were aware on some level that the JSSDF was razing everything they worked for in the last decade, killing many of their former friends and acquaintances in the process. Ritsuko knew that above them a battle deciding the fate of humanity was raging, but the outcome didn't matter to them now. They were both broken people who ran out of any future they might have had.

"Do you think they'll win?" She asked the man, gently caressing the head of her former lover. "Will they survive?"

"I honestly have no idea and I do not care much. For me, Instrumentality failed." He replied with a small sigh. "I only wish it would have failed under different circumstances."

"Is that regret in your voice?" She thought about that, knowing what the man lost. "More than usual, I mean."

A small silence fell on them again, neither of them wanting to break it. The lake of LCL has settled down, but the gentle sloshing was still audible. She looked around, finding the sight of the missing giant still unsettling. She became used to its presence and its silent, judging gaze upon her children.

"Yes." He replied after a minute. "Humans are creatures filled with regret. I do not claim to be different in this respect. I could have been the father Shinji wanted, the lover you needed or the leader my employees deserved. A different path might have lead to a better outcome. But I made my choice. Once the scenario was in motion, turning the course of events was outside of my capabilities.

"I have done many people, you and your mother included a great disservice. I have gambled the fate of mankind on my selfish whims, on the fact that I could not be separated from Yui. Yet, if you asked me if I had chosen a different goal if I knew the eventual outcome, I would still have done what I have, only making sure that I would succeed. I would do it until all eternity."

"So nothing would change and you'd be locked in a vicious loop forever." She had to smile at that. "The definition of craziness is trying to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome."

"I understand that, yet I find I could not escape my own nature, just as my son and daughter couldn't escape their own."

Ritsuko disagreed, favoring nurture over nature, but didn't tell him so. She figured that despite his actions he deserved a little peace of mind before bleeding out. She admired how, despite the injuries the sustained, the stoic man still held his composure, not betraying his pain.

They heard a low rumble above them. Soon, both of them noticed Rei in the distance, walking towards them with an uncharacteristically gentle smile on her face. Both of them had theories about how people would deal with the end from a subjective perspective, but Ritsuko found it odd that the girl came for both of them. But it didn't really matter. Only one thing did.

"Gendou." She said, tears running down her cheeks and falling onto the man. "Did you ever love me? Even a little bit?"

"I did."


End file.
